Uncertainty

Uncertainty. I hate that word.

Un-cer-tain-ity. Just 4 syllables, but these 4 syllables scare me even more than “love” does.

I hate not being in control, I hate “going with the flow”

I am the kind of person who overprepares, for the smallest of things. Overprepares, is organized, punctual, the typical “over” everything, which you’d get a hint of when you look at my Google Calendar, haha.

Anyway, uncertainty ****does something horrendous to me — it makes me want to give up mentally

I just quit a short stint I was doing in Hyderabad — heading growth at a friend’s VC Funded AI Vid-Gen startup, came back last monday, and since then, I’ve been as confused as ever

I have a vague idea of what I want to do in the future, hell, not vague, I’d say pretty concrete, but I just can’t get my body to start working on it.

I’m finding as many distractions as I can to numb my brain, to stop thinking. Everything seems so scary. I’m sleeping for close to 10 hours a day, distracting myself by watching netflix & movies, and ugh, just postponing everything

On top of that, confronting my demons — comparing myself to my peers, who, well, have done things that I should’ve done right now if I weren’t such a loser

I don’t know where I’m headed, but all I know is that I’m moving way too slow

I need to crack Y-Combinator or massive VC funding before I’m 20, or I’d be severely off-track

Another problem I’m facing is that I don’t have a strong community, I don’t have a network of cracked peers whom I can exchange ideas with, whom I can learn from — I need to fix this ASAP