Little update

Hey, you,

This is just me trauma-dumping & rambling on about my FUCKING UNPRODUCTIVE previous two weeks — I’ve just been feeling like shit. I’ve been extremely unproductive, on the brink of “depression” — though nothing new, it’s cyclical

Every couple of weeks I get this feeling of “falling behind” where I start crying when I look at others my age, and start comparing my life to theirs — I just need a reason to feel miserable, somehow it’s very comforting to wallow in your misery

Parso I cried because this (shitty) guy had such a pretty girlfriend, today I cried because I could never be good enough for this girl i’ve been going goo-goo ga-ga over for the past couple of months, and UGH, life feels hopeless

HOW THE FUCK CAN I INCREASE MY RATE OF LEARNING IF I DON’T EVEN GET OUT OF THE BED

I just feel like sleeping all day long, and infact, that’s what I’ve been doing, Sleeping, that’s it.

I look at people my age, studying at Ivies, raising millions, millions of followers, and whatnot, and then I look at myself, and ugh, whatever — enough self-pity

Ngl, only thing keeping me kinda sane is my spotify & walk-seshs, though i so fucking miss going to the gym — it’s such a high

I need to get my Aadhar updated and get my hair cut, but i genuinely have 0 energy to get that done, idk if it’s laziness but genuinely just cannot get off from my bed

Moreover, I’ve recently started loving drinking hot cocoa — I drink it twice a day; breakfast (8-10 AM-ish) & evening (5-ish), but I think I should stop — I don’t like that I like drinking it — I don’t like that I look forward to it, idk man, idts it’s making sense the way I’m articulating it right now, but I don’t like being dependent or relying on external things or people to make me happy, that becomes a liability

Lastly, i really need to start collecting money to move out — i don’t want to live here. Since some months I’ve been thinking about what I’ll do if my mother tells me to move out, I don’t have anywhere to go + i don’t even have access to my fucking bank accounts (FUCK CANARA BANK & THEIR SHITTY ONLINE MANAGEMENT SOFTWARE, I HOPE THEY BURN DOWN)

Whatever, I hope this is just a phase

P.S. I’m thinking of starving myself for some time as a sort of punishment — i hate that the only thing i look forward to in a day is fucking food — it’s disgusting & sad